So...I've really hesitated in putting this out there in blog world. It's something that I consider so special and emotional I wasn't sure if I was ready to share it with the world...but Blair thought we probably should so one day we didn't throw everybody for a loop.
We've been trying to have a baby for a LONG time and the stars just haven't aligned yet...at least that's what the doctors tell us will have to happen. It's been the hardest, most emotional trial and the longest bridge to cross. There have been some real struggles along the way in understanding why things are the way they are...I still don't understand much of it. Someone said it's all about the faith...and I'm still learning that too. It's been a real struggle emotionally, spiritually, FINANCIALLY (holy cow!), etc. Our relationship really took some hits along the way and we really had to dig deep and pull each other out of our rock bottom moments...but we got a lot stronger along the way. It's amazing the things you learn about yourself and others.
I could write for pages about the details and the times I've had to pick myself up off the shower floor, all the horrible tests and my body looking like a pin cushion, all the crazy medical procedures we've tried.....but that's not on my mind today. So I'm excited to let you all know that we're getting ready to submit our ADOPTION papers. It took a long time to get to this point and to know that this was the right road for us right now and we're excited! We have the most amazing families and such supportive friends helping to guide us on the journey and we're so thankful for what we're learning along the way. Our story gets to be a little different and we're so grateful for that! We can't wait to appreciate every, single moment. The agency tells us they would "be shocked if we weren't placed with a baby in 2 to 3 years" (I said excuse me what...????) so we understand that it probably won't come quickly but we've found some peace in this decision so we're okay with waiting and letting whatever is meant to be happen.
Maybe you can keep your fingers crossed for us?
18 comments:
Okay, your post brought tears to my eyes...because I know exactly what you are going through. Cody and I "tried" for 8 years. And guess what...it happened all on it's own. I have a strong testimony that there is a plan for each of us. And yes, it is all about faith. I could go on and on also...just know that we are thinking of you. Jaycie is a true miracle. It has been the most amazing experience. And I know that adoption is just as amazing. If you ever want to share stories...let me know. Good luck, you are in my prayers.
Always thinking about you. Always, always.
Congrats on your decision to adopt...how wonderful! :)
Your post gave me goosebumps. I know we have talked a bit about this particular trial and I haven't said much because really, in these situations, there isn't a lot I can say. But know we have prayed for you guys. You will be great parents. There is a story on my blog called Welcome to Holland. This particular story is about raising a child with medical needs but it is SO SO flexible it definitely fits for your particular situation. It is at the bottom of this post on my blog
http://crazy-happy-life.blogspot.com/2010/02/2-years-ago.html
You might wanna take a peak at it. Hugs and I can't wait to hear about your journey.
In case you didn't have time to click over to my blog...I decided to copy and paste the story hear for you. Hugs...love ya.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Wow, that post gave me chills- You are simply amazing. I've always thought that and looked up to you! Congrats though, adoption is awesome!!! My prayers are with you! Love ya
Nikki, OMGosh... you are an amazing person. You are such an example to me. Thanks. Good luck and you guys are in our prayers!!! You will be an amazing little mommie someday!
nik i love you!! you are such a strong person. keep your chin up things will fall into place just like they are supposed to!!
Nik- I am So,So,So excited for you!! What a bummer that it might take a while, but that just gives you time to make a KILLER nursery!!! I know that your baby will be spoiled beyond belief with your little chest of goodies and your craftiness. I tried to call you yesterday to tell you congrats on a more personal level,but your answering machine wouldn't let me leave a message.... so just know that I love you and am SO excited for you and I will call you soon!!! Yeah for you!!!! PS Shamae, love the little story.... so true with so many things
Yay! I am so excited for you guys! Any child will be lucky to have you two as parents, it will be such an amazing gift! We love you guys and you are always in our prayers! Congrats, we are so excited for you two!
Congratulations and good luck with adoption! Many, many miracles come about through the wonderful gift of adoption. Hopefully yours comes soon!
My sister-in-law has a helped a number of couples with adoption I'm having her work her magic for you! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
Nik, Sure love ya girl!! Excited for you! How special it will be when it finally happens! My fingers are crossed but I'm praying also. You are a tough gal, & I'm proud of ya for riding it out. I'm sure the road will be a little longer but it's worth it. I sometimes don't know what to say about this struggle because it isn't something I struggle with. I have other friends who have had such a hard time, also and I sometimes feel guilty. But each of us has our own trials. Can't wait to hear the ending to this story! Loves!!! :)
Can't wait for you guys!
You have also brought me to tears. You are amazing. One of my dear friends and my amazing sister is going through the whole infertility process right now...
man it can sure be brutal! My heart goes out to you. Adoption is SUCH a beautiful thing. You are in our prayers.
Blair and Nik- you are consistently in our prayers! We love you and hope that your little miracle will be ready for you as soon as possible. You two are amazing and we love you! You will be the best parents in the world! That baby will be so lucky to have you.
Love you Nikki-and so excited for you and your decision to adopt! A good friend of mine went through the whole adoption process and the only thing left was waiting for a family--then she got pregnant! So you just never know how things are going to work out-but they always do somehow. Best of Luck-and please let me know what I can do to help! {and in the meantime we'll keep you in our prayers}XOXO
We LOVE you!!!!!
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